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Contents:
Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition. A guide fo those facing death and for their caregivers, including teachings from the great masters and useful advice on navigating end-of-life issues by Andrew Holecek
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Foreword by Tulku Thondup Rinpoche
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1
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Introduction
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3
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Part One: Spiritual Preparation
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1. WHAT TO DO FOR YOURSELF BEFORE YOU DIE
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15
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Living a Good Life, Learning to Let Go
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15
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Practices and Teachings to Prepare You for Death
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18
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Shamatha Meditation
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18
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Vipashyana Meditation
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21
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The Four Reminders
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22
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Doctrinal Preparation
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26
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Tonglen
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28
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Reverse Meditations
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29
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Pure Land Practice
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33
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Preparation for Sudden Death
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37
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Noble Truths
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38
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Devotion
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42
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The Bardos and the Trikaya
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44
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Mind Leads All Things
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53
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Phowa
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54
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Shitro and Vajrasattva Practice
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57
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Working with Passion
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58
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Insurance Dharma
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59
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Dharma Wills and the Dharma Box
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61
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Final Advice
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63
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2. WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR OTHERS BEFORE THEY DIE
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65
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3. WHAT TO DO FOR YOURSELF AS YOU DIE
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67
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Letting Go
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68
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Dissolution and Signs
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70
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Outer Dissolution
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73
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What Is Happening?
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76
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Inner Dissolution
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78
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Tukdam
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82
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The Peaceful and Wrathful Visions
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83
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The Hourglass
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85
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Conclusion
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89
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4. WHAT TO DO FOR OTHERS AS THEY DIE
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91
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The View
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91
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Sacred Listening
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94
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Hopes and Fears of the Dying
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96
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Holding Environments
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97
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Creating the Environment
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100
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Looking Forward
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101
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Advice from Sogyal Rinpoche
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102
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Telling the Truth
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105
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Fears about Dying
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106
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Unfinished Business
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107
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Giving Hope and Finding Forgiveness
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107
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Saying Goodbye
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108
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Toward a Peaceful Death
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109
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By the Bedside of the Dying
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110
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Dedicating Our Death
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111
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Letting Go of Attachment
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112
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The Grace of Prayer at the Moment of Death
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113
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The Atmosphere for Dying
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113
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Esoteric Practices
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115
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5. WHAT TO DO FOR YOURSELF AFTER YOU DIE
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117
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The View
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117
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First Step
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121
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After Remembering
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123
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Other Practices
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127
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Advice from
The Tibetan Book of the Dead
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127
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Blocking
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129
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Bright and Soft Lights
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132
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Choosing
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133
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5. WHAT TO DO FOR OTHERS AFTER THEY DIE
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139
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The View
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139
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When to Help
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142
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The Power of Merit
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144
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Reading
The Tibetan Book of the Dead
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148
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Sur Offering
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149
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Commissioning Monasteries
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150
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Monastic Rituals and Ceremonies for the Dead
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151
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Gelugpa Rituals
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156
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Summary
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158
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Part Two: Practical Preparation
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7. BEFORE DEATH APPROACHES
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161
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Legal Issues
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163
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More on Living Wills and Advance Directives
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169
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Legal Concerns Before, During, and After Death, by Alex Halpern, JD
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173
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Wills
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175
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Disposition of Property
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178
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Trusts
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178
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The LivingWill and the Medical Power of Attorney
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180
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Demystifying Hospice: An Underused Service at End of Life, by Beth Patterson, MA, LPC, JD
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184
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The History of the Hospice Movement
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184
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The American Hospice Movement and the Medicare Hospice Benefit
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185
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Buddhism and the Hospice Movement
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186
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The Services of Hospice
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187
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What Does hospice Care Look Like?
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188
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The importance of Managing Pain
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189
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Conclusion
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190
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8. CARING FOR THE DYING
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191
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The Need of the Dying, by Christine Longaker
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191
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The Five Psychological Stages of Dying and Medical Issues Around Death, by Mitchell Gershten, MD
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197
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The Five Psychological Stages of Dying
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198
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The Five Stages in Loved Ones
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200
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Biological Changes
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200
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Hydration, Nutrition, and Pain Control
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203
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Physical Signs and Symptoms of Dying, by Andrew Holecek
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206
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Spiritual Matrix
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217
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Empty the Disease
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219
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9. AFTER DEATH
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223
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After-Death Care, by Karen Van Vuuren
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223
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Caring for Our Own Dead - Is it Legal?
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224
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Funeral Directors
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225
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First Steps Following an Expected Death
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226
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Care of the Body After Death
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227
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Rigor Mortis
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227
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Don't Do It Alone
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228
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A Sacred Space
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228
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A Suggested Checklist of Items for Physical Care of the Body
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228
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Bathing
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229
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Dressing
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230
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Temporary Preservation Methods
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230
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Dry Ice
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231
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Caskets
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232
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Unexpected Death
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232
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Odors and Changes at Death
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233
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Options for Final Disposition - Cremation or Burial
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234
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Burial at a Conventional Cemetery
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234
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Green Burial in an Established Conventional Cemetery
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234
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Green Burial at a Conservation Burial Site or Green Burial Preserve
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235
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Home Burial
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235
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Cremation in a Conventional Crematory
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236
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Open-Air Cremation
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237
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What to Do with the Cremains
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238
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Other Options for Final Disposition
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238
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Donation
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239
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Exposing Children to Death
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239
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Working with Grief, by Kim Mooney
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241
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Working with Grief from a Buddhist Perspective, by Andrew Holecek
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246
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The Relative Approach
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246
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The Power and Peril of Pain
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248
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Anticipatory Grief
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250
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Compassion and Devotion
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251
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The Absolute Approach
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252
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The Joy of Inter-being
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255
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Conclusion
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257
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10. DIFFICULT ISSUES
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259
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Organ Donation
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261
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Euthanasia
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262
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Suicide
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265
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Abortion and Miscarriage
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268
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Death of a Pet
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270
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Conclusion
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271
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Part Three: Heart Advice from Spiritual Masters
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HEART ADVICE FROM SPIRITUAL MASTERS
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275
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Anam Thubten Rinpoche
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275
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Anyen Rinpoche
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277
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Bardor Tulku Rinpoche
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277
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Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche
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279
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Dilyak Drupon Rinpoche
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280
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Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche
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283
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Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche
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286
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Jetsun Khandro Rinpoche
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287
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Khenpo Karthar Rinpoche
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288
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Lama Tharchin Rinpoche
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289
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Mingyur Rinpoche
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291
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Namkha Drimed Rinpoche
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292
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Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche
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297
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Tenga Rinpoche
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299
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Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche
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300
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Thrangu Rinpoche
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301
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Tsoknyi Rinpoche
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303
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Tulku Thondup Rinpoche
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306
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Acknowledgments
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309
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Appendix 1: Checklists
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311
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Spiritual Checklist
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311
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Farewell Checklist
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312
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Bardo Package
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314
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Practical Checklist
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315
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Other Contacts to Be Made After Someone Dies
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318
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Financial Responsibilities After Death
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319
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In the Event of Sudden Death
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320
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Be Aware
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321
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Appendix 2: Things You Can Write to Prepare for Death
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325
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Letters of Forgiveness, and Saying Goodbye
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325
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Writing Your Own Eulogy and Obituary
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325
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Appendix 3: Depression and Grief
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327
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Symptoms That Suggest a Bereaved Person Is Also Depressed
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327
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Who Is at Risk for Depression After a Loss?
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328
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Treatment for Grief and Depression
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328
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Depressive Grief vs. Depression
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329
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What Might I Expect When I Am Grieving?
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330
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Notes
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333
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Selected Bibliography
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397
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Contributors
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407
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Index
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409
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