Drawing from Buddhist and yogic precepts, this practical guide offers tools for becoming a better, more compassionate communicator at home, at work, and in the world

Have you ever tried to tell someone what you want only to feel misunderstood and frustrated? Or hesitated to ask for what you needed because you didn't want to burden the other person? Or been stuck in blame or anger that wouldn't go away?

Judith and Ike Lasater, long-term students of yoga and Buddhism, experienced dilemmas like these, too. Even though they had studied the yoga principle of satya (truth) and the Buddhist precept of right speech, it was not until they began practicing Marshall Rosenberg's techniques of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) that they understood how to live satya and right speech.

In What We Say Matters, Judith and Ike describe their journey through NVC and how speech becomes a spiritual practice based on giving and receiving with compassion--everywhere, all the time--whether at home, at work, or in the world. Their writing is deeply personal, punctuated by their recounts of trial and error, success and failure, laughter and challenge--even in writing this book! They guide you through an introduction to NVC with clear explanations, poignant examples, suggested exercises, and helpful resources. With practice, you'll learn new ways to:

• Extend empathy to yourself and others
• Distinguish between feelings and needs
• Make requests rather than demands
• Choose connection over conflict
• Create mutually satisfying outcomes

What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication, Judith Hanson Lasater and Ike K. Lasater, Shambhala, Paperback, 176 pages, $19.95

Judith Hanson Lasater gained her bachelor's degree in physical therapy, and a doctorate in East-West psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies, San Francisco.[4] In 1970, while still a student, she developed arthritis and, feeling debilitated, began yoga at the YMCA in Austin, Texas. She stated that she instantly felt better, and has not suffered from arthritis since then.[5] She began teaching yoga in 1971 when the YMCA instructor left, and she took over the class.[5][6] She was an early disciple of B.K.S. Iyengar.[7] To widen their knowledge, she and her husband Ike took their honeymoon in the Bahamas to attend Vishnudevananda's yoga teacher training course at the International Sivananda Yoga Ashram there.[3]


IKE LASATER, JD, MCP, Author, Mediator, Trainer, and Speaker, helps organizations and individuals develop the capacity to more effectively clarify their objectives, and then to achieve them. He also acts as a private mediator, facilitating conversations and connection among people in conflict. He has facilitated workshops in more than twenty countries in North and South America, Europe, Africa, Australia, and Asia.

CONTENTS: What We Say Matters
Preface		xiii
Acknowledgments		xvii
Introduction: Why We Wrote This Book		1
1.	Satya and Right Speech	7
2.	Nonviolent Communication	13
3.	Four Communication Choices	37
4.	Listening to Ourselves and Others	59
5.	What We Say Matters	71
6.	Talking to Our Partners	87
7.	Talking to Our Children and Parents	103
8.	Talking at Work	119
9.	Talking in the World	145
Resources		153
About the Authors		156